But this time it wouldn't be to talk about anxiety. I mean, I need to figure out why the majority of my thoughts are about things like Wyrdmarks and talking objects and Fae and magic and where I'm going to get the Celaena from the cover of Throne of Glass tattooed on my body (probably my face).
My kids found me the other day wandering through the basement mumbling things like, "Celaena...Catacombs...Damaris...don't trust Archer...Yellowlegs is creepy."
And every night this week I've been shaken out of my sleep by my own voice screaming, "Nehemia!"
Let me sum up this book as best as I can in one sentence...
Crown of Midnight is the motherfucking shit.
And I don't even like to swear.
I can't say that this is my favorite series of all-time because I need to see how it ends up, but lets just say that if it keeps increasing exponentially in awesomeness, it might just knock Harry Potter off of his Firebolt.
I'm being totally serious.
(Although thinking of the Throne of Glass series and the Harry Potter series at the same time just makes my imagination go cray. Like, what if Celaena went to Hogwarts?! OMG! Can someone please write a short story with a Slytherin Celaena taking on like...ten death eaters?! Ah! I can sit here for hours thinking about it.)
Okay, enough messing around. Why is Crown of Midnight SO good?
1. CELAENA Gods she's an amazing character. She's a perfect character because she's not a perfect character. Her flaws are out there for us to see. This balance between her dominance and her vulnerability is absolute character perfection. Her past, her true story, is unfolding at a perfect pace. She's transparent with her emotions. She's so damn intelligent. She's so damn lethal. Yet she's so "normal girl" in so many ways...boy issues (what's a girl to do with both Chaol and Dorian?!) best friends (Nehemia...DAMN YOU CHAPTER 29!!!!!), she has a shopping addiction (I know, I know...not all girls have shopping addictions or even like to shop), and she eats junk food like every self-respecting person of her age should! Add to all the awesomeness this history of suffering, and her overcoming all of it, and now we're having the strings of our human spirit pulled tighter than a mofo (whatever that means). Gah...she's just the best. SO much more than a badass killer.
2. CHAOL and DORIAN When you can write a male character that both male and female readers like, you've won. But when you write TWO male characters that both male and female readers like, then put them into a complicated, and very naturally occurring and ever-changing friend/best-friend/love thing that never feels like a cheesy love-triangle, then you get to skip the rest of Earth because you just won heaven. THEN (damn you Sarah J. Maas!) when you drive the readers mad by swinging them back and forth between the two guys, but the readers don't get mad because they love you for it...well that's just not fair. Both guys are awesome. Both guys are unique. Both guys offer so much to the story, to the reader, and to Celaena! Wow.
3. PERFECT PACING AND FLAWLESS RELEASE OF INFORMATION I know that sounds stupid but I don't know how else to say it. For two books now, I haven't once felt like things were moving too fast or too slow, and the steady stream of story development has not only kept my attention (which isn't easy!) but has somehow outperformed my expectations! It doesn't just get better, and it doesn't get better with a normal progression. Like, normally, a good story starts out with a 1 and ends with a 10, with 10 being the best. It goes 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. This story goes 1 3 7 18 99 1087 5589 a bazillion. I know, I know...I'm talking to a bunch of book nerds which means the numbers are scaring you. Maybe @MissDahlElama can explain what I'm trying to say. She's an editor of mathematics (aka Total Nerd).
4. SARAH J. MAAS IS A TOTAL HOTTIE You might argue that this fact has nothing to do with why Crown of Midnight is so good, and I simply argue back by extending my middle finger and saying, "Who asked you?!" :)
6. THE KING OF ADARLAN I LOVE this character. He's done so little in two books, but he's THE issue. It's all about him. What's he up to? What can he do? What does he know? He has the Voldemort effect. He's in the story, but the story doesn't revolve around him...yet. BUT, you can feel it building. You know that no matter what is happening, he's the reason, the problem, the bad guy. And yet, I like him. He's so calm and confident. He's ruthless, but he's refined. I know that I'm behind on this series, and maybe I'm totally wrong, but right now it appears that this is headed for a Harry/Voldemort-like showdown between Celaena and the King. If not, fine. I know whatever happens will be better that what I'm expecting.
7. A SENSE OF SOMETHING HUGE This might go hand-in-hand with #3, but I really want to emphasize this point. There is always this underlying feeling that something big is happening in the Throne of Glass World. And just when you think big things have happened, you're introduced to something even bigger. And this happens over and over and over. It's like Raising The Stakes on steroids. Things definitely get worse and more complicated for Celaena, but it's not just stuff happening to her. It's what's happening in all of Erilea. It keeps you locked in and unable to come back to reality where there are things like laundry and bills and other stupid shit.
8. SARAH J. MAAS IS A TOTALLY HOTTIE This is a pic of when I was like, "Hey, girl." And she tried so hard not to smile, but just couldn't hold it in.
I went to buy Heir of Fire and the bookstore didn't have it. I pushed the entire bookshelf over, mooned the employees, then went to Chipotle and ate two burritos.
If this book series is not made into a movie series, I will start international riots. Although, I don't know how I would react if I found out this was being made into a full scale, big budget movie. My heartbeats are speeding up just thinking about it.
Crown of Midnight is so damn good. When Celaena went through that portal...when Chaol connected all the dots at the end of the book...just...I just...I almost can't take it.
If you don't like this book series, then don't talk to me because I hate you.