Tuesday, May 28, 2013


Welcome to the Wild Awake Rap Battle!

If you're not sure what's about to happen, let me explain...

Hilary T. Smith wrote an amazing book called Wild Awake. Hilary and I disagree on which character in the book is best. I think the main character, Kiri, is. She thinks the NOT main character, Skunk, is (yeah...Skunk, I know). 

So, I challenged her to a rap battle. Although it won't be much of a challenge for me. 

I've asked some of Hilary's friends to be near her with access to a phone in case of an emergency. I don't want to ruin Wild Awake's book birthday by sending Hilary to the ER with a case of TOO MUCH AWESOMENESS ringing in her ears.

If you haven't read Wild Awake, you should. It's my favorite contemporary YA novel of all time.

Ok, here's the deal: I'll start the rap battle at the end of this post. In the comments section, Hilary will try to respond. YOU ARE ENCOURAGED to join in! Hilary has some signed copies of Wild Awake to give away to whoever she thinks lays down the best rhymes. I'll be looking for the same thing, except my prize is a Chipotle Ecard. If you win either of these, we'll let you know in the comments section of the blog under your comment. If you win, @ us on Twitter and we'll get you your prize.

It's time...

*Takes shirt off (ignoring screams of terror) revealing fake "gangsta" tattoos drawn with sharpies. 

*Loosens belt *Pants sag, revealing Luna Lovegood boxers.

*Scratches butt

*Turns hat backwards, then can't remember if that's cool, so turns hat back to the front, then gets frustrated and turns hat backwards again.


Hilary and Skunk, going to the shed,
to try an get a helmet on Skunk's BIG FAT HEAD.
She tries and she tries, but his head is to thick,
too bad he can't say the same about his tiny little...brain.
(get yo mind out the gutta, succas!)


  1. i'm in the radio temple/my skills are ample/I'm the whole pineapple/all you want's a free sample

    1. The only thing ample is yo ass that I trample,
      now get me knife and cut me some a that pineapple

    2. you can't handle this fruit/wanna pillage my loot/pack that synthesizer into the boot just like in England/shoulda known aforehand/I'm what I needed for your band

    3. your melodies so weak/'til you enlisted this freak/wanna go on tour/okay sure/just leave behind those beats like goat manure

    4. With your fruit you toot,
      I be snatchin yo loot,
      Your rhymes smell worse than Skunk's wet boot!

    5. stop trying to impress/with your virtuosity/come into the temple/and drink some more tea

    6. The only tea I be drinkin, is when I'm with Kiri,
      you need some help, get out your phone and ask Siri

    7. your tea is weak like water/I lead you to the slaughter/you drink it lukewarm/but it's gonna get hotter

    8. I think the pineapple line was my favorite.

  2. why you gotta bring Hilary in this rap/that's so meta/can't you keep it fictional/or are your pants already wetter?

  3. Yo Skunk, go to bed,
    It's all in your head, isn't that what the doctor said?
    Kiri girl, you better watch where you tread.

    1. Looks like I gots one, and Hilary none...

  4. enforced sleeping time/is my aunt's design/while I'm away from you kiri, can't help but sigh and pine

  5. I give you tea for Calming of Nervous/at the rate you're going, lady, better join the postal service

  6. Hil is whack,
    Skunk is too,
    Put em together,
    you get Hil-Skunk POO!

    1. Hil-Skunk compost/is better than most/while I'm taking over the world you're up at midnight making toast

    2. Why you gotta bring Hil into this
      You're trying to rap Kiri but that's a swing and a miss!

    3. ain't nuthin wrong with toast, now pass the jelly,
      Hil and Ally's rhymes sound a lot like R Kelly

    4. why he gotta bring Hil/he's too afraid/of the skill it takes for true raps to be laid/I'm Skunk, the love-bison/look over the horizon/you making smoke signals, I'm on the air like Verizon

    5. hey Kiri/you wanna be Liberace/roast you in my hibachi/why don't you quit the baby grand and become a mariachi?

  7. Skunk? Skunk? Hil's in a funk? Bloggers Rappin is hotter than chipotle on the water!

    1. Skunk, love-bison, radio temple monk/my cherry blossoms will make you drunk/take a spin under the rain/ride the radio train/read the Tao and educate your brain

    2. Yup...Hil's in Funk,
      she b tryin to dunk,
      she might as well retreat
      and go live as a monk!

    3. hey Kiri/think you need some Oral B/to freshen your raps which are stale like English muffins/I ride smooth and you're still roughin' it/your flow it weak, better toughen it.

  8. Skunk or Bison? Does it even matter?
    Both are good at one thing-makin shit platters
    Bison are hairy, smelly and dumb,
    sorta like Skunk when he's suckin his thumb!

  9. Give him the hurt!
    Three-radio alert!

    1. What's that????
      Did you just burp?

    2. whoop, whoop, three radio siren/I can tell that already that your muscles are tirin'/when we're riding our bikes, I'm like a jet-plane, you're a snail/when it's time to climb the hill you're an epic fail

    3. Critical mass
      Ain't a time to come in last
      It's not a race
      But you'll still get in my face

    4. Not a fail, about to set sail
      you an Skunk can keep sending me fan mail! :)

    5. critical mass
      ain't a time to drag your ass

      you say there's nothing wrong with your bike
      you're like 'whatever'
      when you're landing on your face you won't be so clever
      I turn the screw and pull the lever
      turn your bike into a ride that will last forever

  10. Found out how my sister went bye bye
    I got really high
    Where are the chips?
    I finally see the ships
    Found my love bison
    He's as big as Mike Tyson
    Gonna play music 'til we die
    The record sales will reach the sky

    1. the second your parents go away on a cruise/it's one strange party and who invited the kangaroos?/your attitude's 'you snooze you lose' but where you gonna run when it's time to pay the dues?

      yeah we made an album
      I can recite it verbatim
      there are things in life I'm no longer afraid of em

    2. I'm not sure who you're for,
      but I'll settle the score,
      Hil's ass is gettin kicked outta Skunk's Shed Door!

    3. aaron bergh, you need a grammar primer
      your capitalization is greasy like a diner
      but mine is finer
      my crew's got poetry, you're just a whiner

    4. Oh and by the way
      I'll take Skunk any time of the day

    5. Stop picking on my grammar!!! That's it...

    6. aw yeah, book and cat!
      knew from the start that you were erudite
      flowing like the tao, neither left or right
      up or down, being or nothing
      we've got the knowledge, aaron is bluffing

    7. Aww yeah!
      Aaron is just jealous
      of that bison who he secretly shows zealous

    8. book and cat librarian
      picking him apart like carrion
      he knows he'll never be fly as Bicycle Boy
      in the meantime he's getting cooked like bok choi

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  12. Oh Aaron it's sad you think that's true / cuz Hil and Skunk are smoking you / it's strange you say your fave is Kiri / and you don't have much to say about your dearie

    1. he can't say much
      because he needs to read deeper
      gotta open your peepers
      see the city
      see the water
      see the ships
      stop staying at home and go on trips

  13. Kiri's a genius,
    creative and smart
    Skunk's in his room trying to smell his own fart!

    1. Too bad your girl you say is so smart / doesn't have a rapper who can elucidate the beauty of her art

    2. Oh yeah, elucidate this!
      At least my room don't smell like SKUNK PISS!

    3. you think you're headed somewhere with Sonic Drift/hey lady don't give up your day shift/you're like a puny shovel and I'm a fork-lift/I tower over/swooping like a plover/I'm fly like the cliffs of Dover/while I'm flying past you're ducking for cover

    4. So even piss jokes have got their place / I work with kids, I know that pace / but Kiri is all about beauty and music and art / why you wanna use this space to talk about a fart??

    5. beauty and music
      might be easy to confuse-ic
      if you eat so much Chipotle
      you've lost your sense of dignit-ay

  14. I'm rappin' Wild Awake by HIlary Smith
    It's Snake Eats Kitten and the Sonic Drift
    There's Crazy Girl wearing murder shoes
    You can meet her and Skunk down at Lucky Foo's
    She's an eyebrow person with a Bison friend
    Playin' Sesquipaedia in her head
    Singing Om Shanti Om and Daffodiliad
    These snurkleberries aren't Avant Grad
    It's all going down at 4:33
    And that's the last you're gonna hear from me!

    1. sharonwrote got the snurk
      sharonwrote got the om
      sharonwrote and #TeamSkunk gonna bring it home

    2. Team skunk all the way / no offense to Kiri meant / but if it weren't for him / she would still be bent / skunk understands more than most folks do / without him Kiri would be so blue

  15. Skunk might be big
    He doesn't need to be as small as a twig
    He might even be a little psycho
    So don't go near his bike or it could end in claims with Geico
    It's obvious that he still wins
    We'll forgive his sins

    1. Yo, you got me laughin with your mention of Geico,
      and I agree with assessment of Skunk: PSYCHO

  16. Forget Kiri and the Battle of the Bands
    Skunk's a friend of the Marshlands!

    1. Plus he gives good hugs
      and stays away from drugs!

    2. friend of marshland, friend of birds
      reader of the tao, careful with words
      true the spokes and fix the brakes
      call you at night when you're wild awake


    4. Kiri dropped the mic a long time ago,
      it's too late for you,
      you lost the show!
      Friend of birds? Fixin brakes?
      The only thing Skunk has left is Kiri-bird heartache!

  17. Lights up, let's start another RKO picture
    I ain't a hater but brace yourself--love's bout to hit ya
    My MO's low down, stand tall like the Space Needle
    But come at me, I be that war machine like Don Cheadle

    Funkier than Toejam and phatter than Earl
    Plus my beats hit more harder than Mookie Pearl
    Sharper than thumbtacks, I'm takin the bump back
    Sucker MCs endangered like humpbacks

    1. endangered like a humpback
      long-necked like a heron
      while I'm running circles around aaron he's straight up squarin'
      I'll howl like an owl while y'all crying fowl
      subterranean mole
      revealing the hole
      in your logic
      this flow is meteorologic

    2. So what I gather from this,
      is that Kiri's the best
      and Skunk's big head is a ham,
      and your rhyme's are tighter than Iron Man's!

    3. You toasting on the mike and you think you Kool Herc
      But all I hear's radio gaga like Freddie Merc
      Best take a step back, maddafact take two
      My B-sides playin all city like Phase II
      You got love? Well it ain't from the crowd
      Your fan base's a half a dozen cats on soundcloud

    4. Yo, Brendan, I got nuthin to say,
      you took a knife to that cow, and you made a filet,
      I got kids downstairs, screaming real loud,
      Ima go tell em I won, and they're gonna be proud!
      It's time to go, it's that time of night,
      at least one person on Team Skunk came to fight

  18. Ok, listen up,
    this is where it's at,
    Ima show HTSmith what it means to rap

    Kiri's my girl, her mind's in a swirl
    but like an oyster with some time,
    her life's a pearl
    You might think she's whack,
    or that her minds about to pop,
    but all she's really doing, is settin you up for the fatal Mic Drop!!!!

    1. my name is skunk and
      I've been spelunking
      through parts of the mind that you don't normally find
      listen to the radio
      change your aspect ratio
      while I'm playing my bass you're hiding under your pillow

      you say your mic drop's fatal
      but it's like a neonatal
      weak and tiny
      I'm big like the ocean and briny

    2. Kiri's working through it / it'll take some time to do it / but it'll be hard to happen / if skunk can't see her through it

    3. mic drop, mic drop 1 2 3,
      Hil will never be as good as me,
      You feel my flow, you feel my burn,
      once again I present the smoked ass of INTERN!!

    4. you say you're mic droppin'
      but only cause you're flopping
      a rapper you ain't
      hands covered in paint
      Bicycle Boy's the one who feeds you
      omelets and coffee
      keeps your summer feeling sweeter than toffee

  19. Hey Kiri bird, Skunk ain't worth your time
    Dudes like him, they come a dozen a dime
    You're a genius girl,
    He'll only make you hurl
    Don't let a dude like that tarnished your shiny pearl.

    1. you play the piano
      you stink like guano
      you crumble so easy like a chocolate milano

  20. Painting the city
    in the middle of the night
    Her life might be gritty
    Murder shoes strapped on tight
    I still gotta show some love
    to that girl who sometimes needs a shove

    1. Up all night
      wild awake
      She makes the other musicians quake

    2. But who am I foolin'
      Her lover is still the one that is rulin'

    3. skunk and kiri together
      like birds of a feather
      flying high
      they gamble star-clad
      under the sky

      but still Skunk's the one
      when it's all said and done
      and with this rhyme the rap is won

    4. Fine you win,
      I don't even care,
      I'm just glad you finally took yo face out from behind yo hair!

    5. He says we win / look Hil it's true / but we've known for awhile / both me and you

    6. *takes rap battle trophy*


    7. So there you go
      from within our rhyme flow
      Bicycle Boy won the show

    8. I'm guessing that Aaron is now eating crow

  21. Whichever team you love can take the cake / but let's all hear it for WILD AWAKE

  22. Skunk is far too big,
    He's a demented kid
    Take a look at his past, then run real fast.
    Ima bout to put this fool in a body cast.

  23. One last time at the lectern, allow me this sick burn:
    Real heads been down since days of THE INTERN
    You think you got game but your style is mad weak
    I stuff you in the lift, send you back to WusinessBeek

  24. Not even cool A Dawg
    You handed over the crown?
    At the drop of a hat?

    1. You weren't there,
      so I just couldn't care,
      life is so unfair

  25. This comment thread could be the poetry version of Wild Awake!